12 years ago, I lost my father. There are times still that I miss him so much my bones hurt. As a child, he was my everything. He knew how to calm my heart, to ease my burdens, to make me smile, to cherish my core. He was not without fault. Many of his days were tormented by consequences of his sin and the sin of others. I remember the hard days of grouchiness from suspended addictions or deep sadness from heart wrenching loss or frustration from life not beig what he thought it promised. But on my lonely days, those aren't the things that come to my mind. In fact, even the joyful, playful experiences do not either. It is the feeling that just his presence gave my soul that I long for. Somehow, with him, "it" was going to be okay.
Now, as a follower of Christ, I know when that pain rises it is more than a physical presence of a loved person I need. I know it is God's throne I have not visited in awhile. It is His presence I need. It is not that I don't miss my father. I do and I process that earthly loss constantly. But it is the recognition that deep down, my soul is depleted and longs to be filled. Because all I knew as a child was him, it is the visceral response that rises as a desire to see HIM.
If I go deeper, though, and as I fall more in love with the Lord, I can identify that it is He my sould longs to be filled with. Possibly, like this week, my days have been hurried. I have allowed tasks and even little children overshadow what I know should be the flushing out of my priorities. And so when the list is long and sleepy heads shall rise any minute, I must quiet my heart and be alone with Jesus-the Calmer of my heart, the Hauler of my burdens, the Maker of my smile and the Nurturer of my core. The Lord has given us so many earthly experiences to reflect His desired relationship with us. Today, as you quiet your heart, what is it that it longs for? Is there a peace or comfort it craves? What is your natural reaction to that longing? Has something taken a place the Lord created for Himself? Even now you can allow the true Comforter to be that. Identifying how you have and how you want to react to challenging emotions is a primary step in preparing your heart to be the best parent to your new child.
